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Tuesday, February 16, 2010

yesterday... seems like trouble was so far away...


for some wierdo reason, yesterday i spent the day in a state of distress. The washing machine would not allow water into its own self, the health insurance industry needs me to prove my worth to them again... the kids are covered but they don't seem to want my money otherwise and the underlying fear of the world has uncovered itself and i was just distraught.
I always think I'm so cool and impervious to the craziness out there and yesterday somehow I was super-permeable and got all filled up with anxiety. thank God it is not my natural state, i'm not sure how I could function... my heart was racing, my thoughts were all overwhelmed by their own drama... I would've called it a panic attack except it was more of a seige.
I spend too much time with battles in play here.
This morning I am better but I've lost my drive to get out of the house and I think some of the fear of the world may be lurking underneath that drive-loss. I had plans (!) to shop with my mother and sister and we canceled because of the weather here (lurking.... ) mostly because the 'babysitter' prefers not to drive in weather of any kind. fine.
i'm going to buy something though, just you wait and watch the online activity if the kids nap... maybe i'll even buy a book to teach me how to make clothing with a pattern. try and stop me. I want to be Caroline Ingalls so badly it is killing me. I want to wear floor length skirts and pleated tops like nobody's business. enough with all this frippery. (currently wearing cords and flannel. so much frippery, so much. )

6 comments:

Jen said...

It's the weather. It's not you. I hate when the weather interferes with my life. It's extremely inconvenient. You must shop on line. You must. Frippery is my new favorite word. Thanks for the introduction.

Mama Mama Quite Contrary said...

When I think about health insurance, my stomach literally aches. I know that we are going to get a letter soon telling us that our rates have gone up by a bazillion percent and I'm just not sure we are going to be able to afford it especially since we got our insurance before I went and popped out two more babies. (All with medical underwriting, of course.) We are part of that group of people that make too much money to have our kids covered by SCHIP type programs but don't make enough to afford anything more than the most catastophic plans.

I think I need to shop too.

Jen said...

Okay, this will get you out of your funk. Join the swap at Urban Craft. She comments at you all the time. Do you like that? Comments "at" you ? You have to make a plush, softie, something of the sort in a resemblance to the Olympic mascots. Okay, it is possible I am making up my own rules, It's how I operate. But check her site. You should play along. I am. It will be fun. I am telling myself it's okay if your contribution is shitty. Mine might/will be. At least you showed up! Go, no pattern required.

Amanda said...

So funny -- I just blogged and used almost the exact same title. Then checked my subs and here yo are. Mind meld.

hang in there mama.

thisnewplace said...

hate days like that. that was yesterday for me, nothing was working or easy.love the photo!! great angle!.

thisnewplace said...

p.s. i hate health insurance issues. i always have them.