Thursday, July 26, 2012
Posted by Kate Bowie at 9:09 AM
Saturday, July 7, 2012
today is my 10th wedding anniversary. I am six months pregnant with my third child and 38 years old. we are all on our way to the beach for something close to two weeks. There will be dozens of people keeping us company, keeping us distracted. the children will have some more times of their lives. I will drink tea in the early morning and look out on the water from the front porch. I go on a journey to see Chakra Carol, even from the beach, so I can be cleared out and bolstered up for this highly social sabattical. I am hoping to find quietude and surety in the wallflower game I will play this year. I will try not to spend my time wishing I were more adept at chatter and alcohol. It is exhausting. I will walk on the beach with my kids, I will ask them, to no avail, to be careful on the rocks. Parallels seem only to exist in the mind. Where is a true parallel in nature? or will? fallacy. flail, you see. I will journal and I will read, because there is much empty time. There is no television and no game but dominos. The house we have stayed in these past years is being sold shortly after we will leave. There will be many photos taken. It is end times. So many are gathering. It is a matter of will as to how we all survive. and by we, I mean Me.
Posted by Kate Bowie at 11:18 AM
Sunday, July 1, 2012
man, there is so much sadness over here... like a rock in my throat and i can't really talk about it and I want to write beautifully and show you beautiful pictures of my boy jumping in his bouncy house on his 7th birthday but i didn't take any beautiful pictures, and the sweat running down my brow and his at the time made everything blurry. and we are sad, and some mistake it for pregnancy weepy and maybe it is a shared phenomenon, wherein being 5 and a half months pregnant make my boundaries permeable and my cells are sharing their sadness with each other in a new way, the walls opening up to each other in a way my words can't seem to. but man, i would like this to pass. . . in a real and substantial and not-likely-to-repeat-in-a-week way, but i have no faith in that, and i am trying to figure things out and realizing the limits of my brain on this one, because my heart is so involved. as it should be, which doesn't help, because i can't seem to speak that language any more. and i'm not 'right' and i'm not 'at peace' and there just doesn't seem to be an answer and so i am waiting . . .
Posted by Kate Bowie at 10:55 AM