CLICK HERE FOR BLOGGER TEMPLATES AND MYSPACE LAYOUTS »

Monday, August 15, 2016

Tit for tat..and then

Deepest sorrows ...
Bone deep and beyond.
thats what happened this week. the worry that all this was for naught, in the end, that there has been no change and will be no change...needed reminders from friends that there is a light somewhere at the end of one of these tunnels...

Its true that I'm not employed but not true that I don't have a job...  Being a mother right now, through all of this regular and still unexpected life change is a wild ride, and i'm more a fan of the giant slide on burlap sack than the rollercoaster.  I suppose i love those giant swings too, and the new fangled bungey bouncers, but I ride the rollercoasters in an obligatory sort of way... its okay, but i'm glad when its over and i'm not rattling in my adrenalin rush...

It's hard to know how to help the kids sometimes, when it feels like simple love and presence isn't enough, and there must be something 'right' to say, or some person to punch to make it all better. There isn't, there isn't. I'm just here for them, and it hurts to know they hurt anyways. No more kisses on the knees to make it all better.

And then


My old house: kids in the first tree they ever climbed, and a couple of hidden new additions...

I got my
 Old house that I love so much rented by someone who will make it a home again. It was an idea I had, that I acted on, that worked.  That hasn't happened to me for ages and ages. Maybe this, too, could be the way it is.

My family got a dog. It was a surprise, though I had filled out an application at the shelter. I got the call, drove to see, and drove home with a dog in the car. A puppy, even. I am in love officially, in that sensible way of recognizing the work that is, whilst having my heart open more and more incrementally with every rushed poo cleanup...

This and that, tit for tat.

0 comments: