Monday, May 4, 2015

INSane in the Maybrain.

long winter, right? seems like all the everythings we all dreamed about are spilling over into the month of May... all the sproutlets sprung.

good lord, it is busy. i am almost not keeping track anymore of the evenings, letting the kids fill me in on who gets picked up on which nights, who has a game, etc.  at least the broken pinkie has made game nights fewer and farther between.  so i pile whoever is home into the car and we drive out to find who is missing, and so far, as may is only a week old, it seems to be working. if we keep the baseball uniform and some snacks and extra sweaters in the car, we're basically good until bedtime.  although there is the 'dinner' part that i am so crap at.  i'll just feed them again when baseball is over, thats my plan.

i am awaiting peas, though i may have waiting too long, i think i was supposed to plant them last month. we'll see.  and i am awaiting radishes, and i can already see bits of red/pink peeks through the muds. . . and we have some flowers, though i am quite disappointed to say that i believe my dreamy fritillaria meleagris may have been planted in a mysterious corner of the yard to bloom unnoticed in peace.  they are supposed to bloom in march and frankly, we still had a pretty good snowcover at that time, so ?  where i thought i had planted them?  daffodils!  lovely. but not fritillaria melegris. i will keep typing that, and i will probably spell it differently every time.

i have been having 'realizations' lately. supah.
1. i need more friends.  there has been a bunch o' shite in the past few years that i haven't even told anyone about, not ANYone.  and thats not very good for me, and i am not an independent blossom who can handle everything on her own. so while those stories may go untold, i need to get myself some flowerfriends to bundle up with. make of my life a bouquet. dude with the loneliness, already.
2. i long for hard work. looong. and laundry just doesn't cut it. oooh, just remembered the sheets.
wooohoooo... got 'em out on the line!  such a wonderful time and smell and if these were not flannel, they would even SNAP.
i want my coveralls to be dirty and to stand on their own.  dig?

laundry doesn't cut it! and it seems that i work real fast and keep myself involved with small projects because i have so much damn free time and i spend a whole lot of it doing a whole damn nothing.
so i am frustrated by my own lassitude.

3.i've got a lot of potential...  see the problems #1, and #2 and imaginate the interweavings therein.
(imaginate SHOULD be a word, damnit.)  I do not blame motherood for the loose endings i;ve got, but i see that I have not handled it all as well as I should have, and i'm still actually ON the steep learning curve and whatnot.  How have you all done it? cooking? good god damn.

4. its possible that the littlest will hit a very partime nursery situation next year as she will be almost three and is a very social little.  this will rob me of the last of my excuses for the isolation and the at-homeness.  what then? i can't help but tell you there are little nibbles of fear on my fishing line there.

5.  metaphors and i are at home with each other. it is one of my best relationships.

Best to you!!


Dana - Old Red Barn Co. said...

Your writing is so damn good. I love visiting your blog and reading your oh-so-relatable thoughts!!

You visited my blog and commented but I cannot reply so I will here . . . I LOVE the Waltons and now too am going to have to binge watch to see that quilt!

Corinne Cunningham said...

I wish we lived closer! I'd be your friend :) And yes to the hard work, and yes to the "I have lots of potential"... I just don't know what to do with it. Sigh.
Loved reading your thoughts, as always.