i've got this thing coming up and I've got to 'share' at it... and I've been thinking way too much about how to phrase things and how to make jokes and make it funny- which of course dooms it to banality immediately. There is now and has been so much going on lately.
** Wahooo. I must have had the dates wrong. I showed up and there wasn't anyone there and my buddy and I sat for three hours in the parking lot and talked. and thats the sharing I really needed, so thats the universe tit for you.
there is still so much going on. I'm dealing with a liar in my personal life on a regular basis and trying to figure out how to deal with that while still moving forward. I am not the sort to 'cut anyone out' so don't have that option currently. I think it IS the best option for many relationships at many times, but not me and not now.
My grandmother is ill and the management of the situation is poor and the loss of control is one that I recognize has little to do with anything tangible and all to do with what her mindframe must be like as she experiences her own mortality and I watch this process unfold and realize my own for the first time. I never thought I had fear of it or trepidation but I am completely upset by this experience, in my core. upset. off kilter and unsettled. if only I thought she were comfortable.
My kids are growing so fast that I am feeling the need to stop them. which is ludicrous and must be tied to mortality and my own aging and a growing realization of loneliness .
Friday, May 29, 2009
TitTat
Posted by Kate Hall at 2:50 PM 0 comments
Thursday, May 28, 2009
off to the store.
Posted by Kate Hall at 8:52 AM 0 comments
Labels: raising boys
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
AH, chill
Posted by Kate Hall at 9:15 AM 2 comments
Labels: hope and family, money
Saturday, May 23, 2009
can't find the phone

Posted by Kate Hall at 11:40 AM 0 comments
Labels: aging
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
used to be
the lap of luxury, it used to be. . .
Posted by Kate Hall at 8:52 PM 3 comments
Monday, May 18, 2009
Speeches
Posted by Kate Hall at 2:13 PM 0 comments
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
submerged
there is so much that has gone on this last week and so many things I've thought of writing or sharing and there's not ever been the sort of neccessary space to do it. and now that I am alone, I don't want to waste my time with the thinking. I'm running around, doing laundry,bleaching things, putting the recycling out, raking the front yard, drinking coffee in the sun. . . and i'm still pining to share because i simply do not talk to enough adults. so. at some point i want to write about mother's day gifts, assumptions of wealth, debt and poverty, window boxes and sleeping patterns. someday.
Posted by Kate Hall at 9:55 AM 0 comments
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
repetition repetitions
slight changes in the quality of an act do not neccessarily change the repetitious nature of said act.
I saw my sister-in-laws study notebook for 'the bar' and truly never want to see it again, the scrittle scrawl of intertwining sets of logic and fact and what she needs to keep track of in order to pass this exam are simply too much for my palate to absorb.. and while i don't want to absorb, I feel like some elements of my personal life are nothing but repetitious arguments in front of an empty bench. no judge sits in situ to help guide us to an end. the scrittlescrawl of my personal relationships sucks. i'm not sure i'm qualified to continue the debate and I am utterly exhausted by the meaninglost in repetition.
we need a new breeze.
i think i may be developing a dread of the summer. what am i going to do with the boys in this heat? My urban dwelling becomes an actual sauna and there is no wind of change in the short term. I have been dressing the boys in footie pajamas the last two nights and looking at them fondly and looking forward to when I can do it again. . . ? rargha.
Posted by Kate Hall at 9:20 AM 0 comments
Labels: repetition
Monday, May 4, 2009
Love and Exhaustion
Posted by Kate Hall at 3:54 PM 0 comments
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Doctor's wife
I've written before about not talking about my spouse and I'm not going to. but I am a Doctor's wife and that (while freaky) is part of a package for many people, and its lately been brought to my attention that I have certain prioritizing problems when it comes to patients. hmm. what does that mean? Well. I have lots of friends who are patients of my husband. friends, associates, neighbors, etc. . . I have friend's children as patients of my husband. I have friend's HUsbands who are patients of my husband. And while I don't know anything I shouldn't know or anything at all about that really, outside of what the friends themselves tell me... there it is. AND GUESS WHAT, FRIENDS? I am, starting now, placing my desires/needs/wants OVER your health and wellness. How does that sound? My kids and MY family win out when dealing with MY husband, who happens to be YOUR doctor. hm.
sounds so shitty.
but I challenge anyone to imagine themselves saying different.
when I develop a routine, which I should have done three years ago maybe, I am going to post what are 'family hours' and then anyone who gets sick at that time will just have to suck it up or go to the emergency room. AND family hours may include weekends. . . so there.
I suppose I should notify my husband of these changes. probably.
Posted by Kate Hall at 2:19 PM 0 comments
Labels: wifing
Friday, May 1, 2009
Leaves
I've been thinking that since all the trees are doing it, i may as well turn over a new one myself. I've been nibbling nuts . . . too many joke opportunities and I will not allow my inner russell to pun myself to death... but seriously, I'm working on cutting down on the sugar . I think I am happier when I can find something else to do with my time than scarfing down high fructose corn syrup a pound at a time. I'm not saying that my wit will improve or that I will lose weight or save my teeth, but maybe I'll loosen up my deathgrip on mother-rage. thats my hope anyhow. we'll see how it goes.. there are nuts and juju fish in the cabinet as I type. not sure who'll win out.. don't hold your breath.
the weather has been astounding lately. astounding. and i've had more and more moments of sheer bliss in witnessing my kids while they experience a really good childhood. its pretty damn amazing .
and while that is happening - the distance between me and all the adults I know is exploding. - as in exponentially increasing. . . and while i am not sure what to do about it exactly, I am not completely in the dark as to how its happened. SO- while I've said nothing, I've done nothing too. okay?
right.
I'll take the 'happy with my kids for the next ten minutes' for what it is. temporary but good.
Posted by Kate Hall at 2:06 PM 0 comments
Labels: anger management, health, mothering, wifing