Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Gumby breaks.

One of my most-used characteristics is my flexibility, my go-with-the-flow-ness.  I utilize it to such an extent that one might even say it is hard to pin me down, floating and flitting with the stream as I do.  And most of the time, I love it, I think it is a natural part of me, a way in which I encourage the flows and yins and yangs of my children, the so-called 'running' of a household and so on ... but there is a wall at the end of this river and I have been slamming my head on it lately. and so i am tired.

and that was just a bit about that.

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Miss Me Miss Me...

we were away, actually North, in all its Capitalized glory.  We went to where the fir only barely poke through the woods of snow and darkness and there may likely be wolves.  I hope there are, at least. There are definitely bear and moose, at least according to the highway signs. NORTH.  Where you wonder how the animals possibly traverse the steep inclines, and you peer through the trees in hopes of discovering their truths.  we left behind more snow than we found, but it has melted here and only finds more of itself there.
and now we are back, and i am feeling less of my gungho bonanza self, although once felt, things have not settled into the-rut-that-was... and i don't think they will settle quite that low again.  but i am spending a lot of time looking outwardly lately, how to change my appearance, cut my hair, what do you think about honkies dreading their hair? i'm sortof tempted. to find my style on the outsides, as i'm at a loss about what to do on the inside.  I have fallen out of my regular therapy schedule with Chakra Carol because of the baby and the need to feed her myself.  As she's past the 3 month marker now, I could probably get back to it, but it causes my heart a little race just to think of, so perhaps I am not quite ready. i do miss Carol though. i've been doing reiki on the kids more, and thinking of my own body more, as I attempt to keep my chakras clearing... :) (so flouflou, i know..)

Regularity and Routine are both my friend and reluctant adversaries. Within the days of homelife, they are there and yet wide open to change as we nurse on demand, build on demand and eat as we are called to do so... but the self-care? whoosh.  not so regular and not routine and i think i need to make them so.  but how to create the ritual of it? within the whacked out-ness of homelife?
I'm trying to make tiny changes here and there, to see what will come of them... tiny pinholes making sparks...

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Butterflies in the Barn

When you get what you asked for, and you realize you should have been more specific. . .

I made a list of gratitudes to get myself to go to sleep while worrying about my children, the cold, the pipes and my parents. . .

things of amazement and beauty:

1. my Dad found hibernating butterflies in the woodpile, in piles of bark bits...and moved them to a safe place in the barn, we had dancing wings in the middle of a blizzard, yes.   a butterfly in the barn!

2. my kids wearing hats and four layers of clothing still looked like themselves as they ran down the hallway.

3.  the baby's hair curled under her hat and when I finally took it off, she looked like a baby labradoodle.

4. my neighbor let hubsJ borrow his snowblower and we drove during a travel ban to reach a working fireplace to warm ourselves.. leaving our home behind to suffer what it would. . . with a nearly flat tire that made the car shake as much as my mothering insides..the race, the race is on.... but the fire was very toastily worth it... many of us in one warm room and not a fight to be seen.

5. quiet. and early bedtimes for all. oh, darkness, my old friend and tormentor.

6. the perfect willingness to be blinded by the sunlight on the snow.

7. pipes. the inexplicable and explicable nature of things that freeze and burst.  no subtleties involved.

8. pipes. copper tings and tangs and we should all reach down and touch copper things more often.  what comes from the earth so beautifully?

9. the basement, smells so wonderfully, dirt floors and old woods, metals in their cylindrical forms.  I should go down there more often.

10. snow tunnels are blue on the inside.  that is just astonishing ...

there is more, and there will be more ... probably, there is always more. until, of course, there is no more. 

oh, and !!

11.  longjohns. how i love thee, longjohns. oh. 

Thursday, February 7, 2013



like a palavering, slathering dog- i am feeling hopeful.
against all reason, i am feeling hopeful that there will be snow... that i will tuck in my younguns to their snowpants and send them out for their 15 minutes of patience with the cold and then spend the rest of the days eating popcorn and drinking hot chocolate.  if there is power, i will watch scooby doo until my eyes bleed . and i will be happy and my tail will wag.

keep your fingers crossed for me.