Its been a tricky few days here, full of marital craploads of mispeaking, misunderstanding and not missing with those verbal missiles... get all that miss?
*Its fully spring, the lilacs came out while we were gone to DC and the whole yard is awash in color and smell. wonderful. there are buttercups growing in the lawn... the lawnmower didn't start this morning, after its winter hibernation. I think it might need oil, but I also think I may have been halfhearted about my pulling attempts, as I tried to start labor on my first kid by mowing a different lawn, and I am not ready to jumpstart that again... (it did not work, by the way, nor did sex, orange juice or castor oil!) ...
because we got to this house last July, the whole yard is a mystery to us, and we are wild to walk around each day and see what has sprung, what has new colors, new leaves...
*The morning before we left for DC, HubsJ went out to close up the windmill. yes, we have one. holy god, its a whole nother story. it has no propellors, but is a 3 story structure outside of the house.... so, anywhew. . . he went in to close up all the windows and make it tight, and noticed a black creature darting. upon checking this out, he discovers our cat Bella, who has been loose and presumed dead for nearly 6 weeks. If we had left early, or he had not remembered to close up the windmill, we may have missed her entirely, but no. She stayed in the house the week we were gone, reunited with her sister in a tentative fashion, and gained about a pound on her emaciated frame in one week. We are happy. We now have three cats and that is far too many for me, not a cat person. I'm going to have to go buy a new vacuum cleaner, and I'm not even kidding. i can't tell you how far down the list of things-to -spend-money-on a vaccuum is. very very far. I mean, picnic table or vaccuum? COME ON...
*saw a midwife yesterday, i seem healthy and she believes that my gigantic belly is the result of this being my 3rd baby, and not multiple babies, so that is GOOD.... like, hollah, good. the grump of it is that I have been surprised to be so uncomfortable so early on. The tiredness and the easy to be exhausted is really a bitch to deal with, and I am forced to on a very regular basis. Too much exertion and I get panty and dizzy. and i'm talking about sweeping the kitchen, or trying to start the lawnmower. meh. it'll work out. i ordered a maternity bathing suit. try and stop me ...
* having some issues with disconnection, I leave in three weeks for my retreat with the Benedictine sisters and I'm not excited at all, and haven't been thinking about it and when I do, I just think about how the boys will do. Chakra Carol tells me that all I have to do is show up. thats good. I think I might just use that as my mantra when I wake in the morning. Do you think its a positive? depends on who you ask... I'm not journaling much, not reading much, not meditating at all... meh, again.
*and another thing, do you feel weird about announcing important things on something like Facebook? I'm finding myself all resistant to sharing this news there, and I'm not sure what thats all about. I think it maybe 'connected' to my feeling of disconnection, a feeling that I'm not at all sure what my relationships are with that sort of friend... maybe?
so, thats where I am at.