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Sunday, March 1, 2009

veroomnium

if you were to guess ... what would you guess veroomnium to mean?

I seriously have no idea but have visions of my sons being involved in a dramatic rendition of it, or maybe it is a type of rose. anyhow, go see Russell's blog to see what I'm talking about.

I love him and he's finished the invite for c's school and so I feel accomplished because of the work I am now able to do...
I'll put a picture of it up when I can find the camera.

-I've eaten a bag of JuJu fish and I am very happy with that but feeling a bit more jittery than normal, I"m letting the kids both sleep longer than I should and will pay for it later. Its one more of the things that motherhood teaches me, that there is no bloody escape. OR, that any escape attempted will be entirely bloody. . . All things are connected and while some people are able to look at the ebb and flow of the universe and feel connected to that - I mostly feel haunted and trapped. so goes the joy of motherhood for me.

- I seem to be on a constant mission to simplify, to clarify, to whittle down. In a hundred ways, I try to speak like a three year old, to limit the complications I impose on my life. And the JUJU of it all is that I don't know quite what to do with myself in this role. ITs been three and a half years and I'm still dealing with the issues of resentment and shock that happened at the moment of birth. I'm beginning to think I need to put it all down and just let it goddamned go like the pushcars of my living room (push down on the head and the car zooms away as the head slowly rises back to its starting point) . . . and then what?

still haven't figured out what I"m going to do next. when the candy settles out- when the kids are self-sufficient- what? And what the hell about my chakras? Will someone please take my kids so I can go see CHakra Carol again?! Why does it take three months to get an afternoon alone? My disappointed spleen, my overly-protected heart chakra... c'mon, let me at em.

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