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Sunday, July 1, 2012

humph

man, there is so much sadness over here... like a rock in my throat and i can't really talk about it and I want to write beautifully and show you beautiful pictures of my boy jumping in his bouncy house on his 7th birthday but i didn't take any beautiful pictures, and the sweat running down my brow and his at the time made everything blurry. and we are sad, and some mistake it for pregnancy weepy and maybe it is a shared phenomenon, wherein being 5 and a half months pregnant make my boundaries permeable and my cells are sharing their sadness with each other in a new way, the walls opening up to each other in a way my words can't seem to.  but man, i would like this to pass. . . in a real and substantial and not-likely-to-repeat-in-a-week way, but i have no faith in that, and i am trying to figure things out and realizing the limits of my brain on this one, because my heart is so involved.  as it should be, which doesn't help, because i can't seem to speak that language any more.  and i'm not 'right' and i'm not 'at peace' and there just doesn't seem to be an answer and so i am waiting . . .

2 comments:

Jen said...

((hugs))

MotherOfGooses said...

I say you write about "where you're at" beautifully... "make my boundaries permeable and my cells are sharing their sadness with each other in a new way, the walls opening up to each other in a way my words can't seem to." You got me thinking about those words all day, and thinking about you too. Take care.