Thursday, July 4, 2013


independence day here.  its just rolled over to 7 am and i've already received an emergency weather email telling me the heat indices will be over 100 for most of the day.  hm. climate change? summertime fluctuations? time for the beach? time to watch old people faint in a parade with free (albeit melty) candy? evidently independence is celebrated with routine and history and repetitions... huh.

my boy seems to be recovering from his birthday party fiasco, much more quickly than i... although he has been in 'moods' more frequently, he has been in the thrall of summercamp this week, so busy-ness wins out and only the mother eats and watches television like a teenager.  unable to keep busy with the house empty of boys and nothing but a sweaty baby to keep me company. this is going to be a weird year.

couldn't make my appt to go see chakra carol because of babysitting conflicts and so am feeling overly wound, springy internals do not make for a peaceful rider, i'll tell you what. 
my sister and i are going to do a 'ride' this fall, 25 miles.  i have bought a helmet but have yet to get my bike out of the shed.  i think there maybe fallout.

my mother is back in the hospital.  i feel sort of completely off my game.  i don't know how to 'scratch out' words in type, but feel the need to... i guess i'll have to stick with my overuse of ellipses. ...

so, is this it? are we dealing with the eventual collapse of my mother?
is this it? how i deal with heat? television and candy and things that i enjoyed when i was a teenager but basically do nothing for me now? i mean, if it isn't a movie, i cannot actually watch television anymore. it is full of crap, and violence masked as 'drama'... how many cop shows do you watch before you lose a braincell in acceptance of 'kill' mentality? why aren't they classified 'horror'?  or those shows of 'reality' wherein the people are so despicable, so sheltered and feel so little shame in exposing themselves.  are there too many reality shows to claim an audience?  i would think so, but i guess i don't know the masses of americans out there watching tv like me... are we all so miserable and stuck? waves of heat rising from our 'so-called' living ?  is this why pajamas are clothes now?

we can't even get out of bed all the way.  is this it?
i'm going to fill the kiddie pool before it hits 7:18 and the swelter really
sets in . . .