Monday, August 12, 2013


okay, so you know how the wise people are always making these wonderfully quotable sayings about relieving stress, much of which includes not keeping stressful people around, or focusing your energies on wonderful things and gratitudes and etc.... i can't remember specifics but you know these things, right?  right.
so what then of real life, unavoidable stresses?  people in your family who attack? long rides on three good tires? babies sick and you aren't at home? i'm not even talking about traumas, just the small but real stresses of life when you interact with other people and objects? anxieties? what then?  how're you supposed to 'wisdom' your way through these things? how do you salve your heart and your racing adrenalin kits?
if you don't have stress in your life, are you doing something right? or wrong?  are you interacting with the world? and i'm talking of both 'in the minute' and 'afterwards', the two sides of a coin dropped in the well, you get what you get and you don't get upset ... these life things...

yesterday we put our new little row/sailboat in the water, and took a row with all three kids, well-suited up in various life jackets and such.  it was very difficult getting the boat into the water and out of the water and people were watching. yep.  rising embarassment, the sort where i throw people under the bus in my need to look like i am not the one causing this... if my kids hadn't been there, i'm sure i would have yelled, or 'made light' of my husband with observers.  this is my shadow side, i am not glorifying. . . plus, once we were in the water, my stress level went into the mountains, and that is good for no one. and the baby, who needs to move and nurse every 13 seconds, did NOT enjoy her lifejacket situation.  THEN, upon trying to get the boat back out of the water, which took a long, long time, (again, people watching, AND WAITING!... oh my dear GOD. . . ) we broke the boat trailer and had to ride home with the boat tenuously tied to the trailer and all tippylike. like, as in, drive around a corner and the boat tips to the side. HubsJ drove under 20 . . . uhuh uhuh.

by the time we got home, i was a hot mess. taught the kids the Lords Prayer on the way home. i did.  seriously. (Quakers don't really do liturgical things, so my Protestantism/ritualism has to squeak its way in otherwise) - was surrounding the car and boat with a bubble of good energy and trying to regain my humility in thinking i could even possibly be responsible for saving this situation- hence the Lord's Prayer rising...

we got home fine, the boat off the car and babysleeping and mama cigaretted.
if we hadn't had kids around us, i would have 'relief sex'ed my husband right on the driveway.  yes, i would have.

i think i'm still recovering. i know i am.  this is a mild thing, my recovery. i dig it.  perhaps this is because i have so little stress in my life? am i under interacting with the objects and people in my life? wah? what? wha? am i an overly pampered, but truly enlightened buddha? (do you get that joke? heh. joke. )

of course, there is other stuff too. slightly bigger than the material world of the boat. and how to deal with people stress seems to be beyond me.  when is it exactly (or is there ever a time?) when you cut someone out? when their presence is so far outside what is good and kind that every experience becomes one of eggshells and shitsmears? if mental illness is involved? what then? and what if it isn't EVERY experience but EVERY third experience? what then? is everything so fluid? is it all grey?