Monday, June 20, 2016

I'm okay, you know.  My life of mom of sports kids is winding down, and there is one more game/trophy ceremony to go through, but I am planning already to miss it as it will be my birthday, and I can do without seeing another trophy ceremony for second graders who really live in the ether and not on the ball field, thank you very much.

I have three more days after today, before the school year is finished.  I am trying to relish them deeply, the quiet, the pressureless wait for the bus to return, the tiny Three and I sitting around, playdoughing, tireswinging, just us.

Today I go, again, to the house I have loved, to fix a hole in a closet wall, and to meet with the realtor again, to be certain it will get onto the 'market'.  It is my birthday present to myself, this work.  The house is one of my beloveds, and while I still set aflame the man and the history he tries to tarnish, the house stands, beauty in its bones.

One of the things I have realized, as I look upon that house, and the one I live in which is threatened by the man, is that I AM a homemaker.  it only took me ten years or so, and two of the three are in school now...  slow tides.... all these items, these corners of beauty, all have come about because of me, and my thought for their creation.  I am feeling deeply rooted, and deeply possessive. There is a floating knowledge that I may not be able to afford to keep the kids here, and so, like the last week before school lets out, I am trying to spread out my awareness to all its magic.  The sparkle lights by the back door, the tin heart hanging on the wall outside the kids rooms, the paper mache snake hanging over the dining room table, the tea cups J's grandmother gifted us for our wedding, the primary colors of kidtoys and the stories they have all seen... the half-done treehouse, which may live its days half-done, but used.  the view from its platform is legendary. . . in that it captures this magic, the grasses, the home.

so, there is a lot.


MotherOfGooses said...

half done but used...that is house work...tending those corners is loving work.very beautiful writing here Kate!