I'm taking this business course right now, and of course, i don't actually have a business. So there's your focus for today, right there.
What i've been learning from it though, is how to approach my life as though it were a business. If i were running an economy, there would be no 'aspect' which i would let lie fallow for long. And if i wanted 'success' i would need to look at all the parts, and be sure things were all aligned, right?
So the business is me.
And i've got the space right now to look around and figure out how i am going to support myself and my kids in a way that is something i can sustain, that i can be proud of, and that will fit into the larger business of raising these kids and growing myself in the process.
So, a lot. And ..
If i approach my current space as a laying fallow, whilst prepping for the next planting, the winter's work of the farmer, the dreaming, the thinking...
It is a making of lists, in which two of the daily items always start with 'think about'...
Moving into financial certainty, getting my ducks in a line. I may be shooting them, maybe painting them ... can't tell yet.
It is accomplishment of more 'firsts' in the whole divorce thing, meeting the girlfriend, dealing with the shock and further realizations about how little i probably ever knew about j. Rewriting the story, and burning it out in new colors, that suit.
And how different my reaction was to what i expected. Turns out, i am a fucking rockstar.
The laughter and faith are rising in me, so high... it is thrilling.
The dog ate my brie yesterday though, and that, coupled with a couple days of forgetting my antidepressants and hearing peter gabriel in the grocery store, have upset my rockstar solidity a little, so i am back to the fertility of the moon and shine and minute to minute strength gathering.
And i am making friends, dreamy-like, slow and real and trustworthy...and i'm so gladdened by the loss of that social paralysis that happens when you are keeping too many secrets to be able to talk to people. Its such a relief, and i hadn't ever recognized the depth to which i'd been doing it . Poor girl.