Monday, February 2, 2009


A year ago this weekend I woke up with no hearing and had none for nearly six weeks. This year, I woke up with my son sleeping with his feet in my face and my older boyson with his head on my chest and I HEARD myself sigh. I am so happy that I could hear them, that I can hear, that I don't have to have that terrible experience today. I may be crazed with exhaustion, annoyed by the ceaseless demand at the most inconvenient times, but I can hear my children... I can have a fruitless conversation with my husband and hear the very timbre of his frustration - I can spend a weekend in New York City with amazing people and laugh at the bulk of their wit. I don't have to think about closing myself away for the betterment of the family, or how long it'll take for my husband to take a mistress for conversation... and all of this is today.

I am torn between the beliefs that life is random and that there is a plan, albeit unknown. But in the randomness, there may be an order which makes it just as likely as not to make this an anniversary, get it?

Last night, I was sure saying my prayers - please let me keep my hearing, please please please, let me not have that experience again, please don't let that happen to me again. please. and, thank you for giving me a year in which to hear and recognize what there is to miss. and, the world is good, I deserve good as much as I need to BE good, I have the glowing lamp of God within me... please please please.

and for today, I can hear.