Friday, February 6, 2009


My son is on a big trip concerning superheroes and their mighty powers. BIG. and i have been feeding him his archetypes in many ways, movies, books, toys... what a way to figure out the world- in light of goodguys and badguys and tricksters and the like. (not a lot of girls in the mix- but we'll deal with that at some later date) I feel like my superpowers are fleeting and temporary. While I do fight the powers of darkness on a daily basis and keep my children from all sorts of dangers, I am constantly flung into the pits of hell for my doggedness. This trip of mothering is a constant stumble. I roar into the living room to pull E's hand from the mouth of his brother and I yell at the baby when he won't let go of my leg quickly enough. I want to be all shiny and new, like the loveboat. And instead I am swamped in simile and dinghy.

Along with all this superhero play is the costumed/imaginative play. He's constantly asking me what I want to be when I grow up and I have yet to come up with a goddamned satisfying answer. "Mom" just don't cut it and isn't the reality, its not a thing 'to become' to me, evidently. ITs a real problem. What the hell am I going to be when I fucking grow up? And I am also convinced that Vivian Paley has a book abou all this boy-learning that I own somewhere and I just cannot put my hands on it. Somebody get an effective mother into this goddamned show. WHere the hell is that book? and why am I swearing so much today?

AND i'm still praying every night in a sort of a huddle for hearing to still be with me in the morning. so far so good. GOD. yikes.