Thursday, July 9, 2009

i've been gone

amidst the storms of the past month, i have become disconnected in a literal fashion. and it was bad, and it was good and I don't know that I've got much to say but you have been lingering at my edges and I"m happy for it.

I've decided lots of things in the last few weeks and a few are sticking with me.

1. I"m definitely having a hard time not smoking, definitely. even doing it in view of my kids and stinking up the car. having some issues with that. but addict is one of my names and is why I have tried many things once and loved them, and known that I could NEVER do it again or I'd be lost.

2. I'm a grown up. finally, at 35. and i've been one for a while, evidently.

3. I need more friends, the real ones that are tough as nails and cushioned in beautiful womanly self-aware and damn funny curves. or angles, if that be the way god made them.

4. I love sex. I mean, really, I enjoy the hell out of it. BUT- if I am not actually in the middle of it or in the literal minute before it occurs or begins, I can actually forget that such a thing exists. Really. Luckily, I have a husband willing to remind me.

5. I'm a conservative. And, I'm not meaning the political sort by any stretch. I mean, somewhat retentive, afraid of money and waste. have a compost heap and make a point of only sending one trashcan out each week but have an intense dislike of 'earth-friendly' diapers as I think thats just a lie. And so I'd rather fill the landfills with pampers as its more honest and I end up with less laundry as my diapered one doesn't pee all over my sheets. . . Get my dig? I don't shave my legs but I'm not 'crunchy'. I make snap judgements but reserve the right to change my mind many times over. Its happened before and again and again that I make mistakes in my judgement. I am fluid like that.

6. I hoard fabric. I think its becoming a problem. If it weren't something so innately benign as folds of cloth, I 'd have to be on Oprah. I'm going to blame my grandmother as it will probably make her laugh and she's not here to defend herself anymore.

i'm sure there's more, but i'm just borrowing the confessional for the day and I'm out of steam. Off to paint my nails. :)


Athena said...

I think it's good to be able to admit that your judgements are not hard and fast, that you can grow and learn. I have know far too many people who have a strong opinion and hold it like a woobie until they can't even make sense of it themselves. Better to keep a little but of humility as your comfort.

Good luck finding friends -- good ones are hard to come by :-)