Friday, June 10, 2011

Ignoring the children.

My apologies for the sterility of the last post.  I've been feeling really out of the loop for physical reasons and also I've been journaling a lot and that writing has been getting richer for me, whilst dropping off so much here.
AND i'm really busy ignoring the children.  I'm missing the quietude of not hearing so much, the feeling that I was granting the kids a space that they've been missing. And so I'm trying a lot harder to ignore them, to let them settle their disputes, to walk away when the whining begins, to let them hear their own voices. . . and since I'm saying less myself for these reasons, I've got the time to sit here in front of the computer.
which is less gratifying than it was a month ago, because I'm not 'engaged' with anything while I am here, feels like some sort of facebooktimesuck. I still like reading other people, but am working on how to identify this distance I feel in my body. I'm looking forward to the new house MUCH and so much of it is a return of the privacy I have had in the deafness, the lessening of the barrage of demands- simply because only the most important filter through... the thousands of others just never broke through the barrier.
until i figure out how to move about without the aide, without trying to please all the people who want communication with me to be easy enough to suit them--- i'm just going to ignore the kids.



mom in rome said...

really like your blog...
i got lost into your posts...