Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Falling off a cliff.


bus door closes, more with a clankclunk than a thud, but my heart has dropped out of my body onto the road and i just stand there as it sweeps past me and away...

ah, the transition into another phase of life just arrived.  and whilst i have a babe in arms, i am right in the dank thick of it, this realization that my time with young children is finished. Numbers one and two are now in school fulldays, full weeks... (oye, the babe in arms is certainly young, but time is marching marching)  Now is the summer of my discontent? no.
Maybe i will spend this time finding out where all of the quotes that dance through my mind's eye have their births... because it is here, the big 'what do i do now' time. 

As Chakra Carol agreed with me yesterday after a desparate last minute appointment was garnered, I am 'one of those women' who're about to hit their 40s and have to 'find themselves'.  I am.  DAMNIT. 

i'm going to make a macrame owl and howl at the mooon... dye my hair and do some more yoga. dress the baby in ridiculous little girl clothing, with bows in her hair and tights that droop at her ankles. I'm going to wear the same four outfits until spring, alternating my eighteen sweaters, or even wearing doubles.
i'm going to miss my kids a lot. i don't want to have all the laundry done at once, i want something to stay dirty because i can't handle the sight of all the counters in this house, and knowing that there is no excuse for their clutter,  their clutter is my clutter and right now i want to cling to it, in denial of what clutter there is in my heart. my heart walnut is comfortable, after all. i know its dimensions, its crannies.



Jen said...

This speaks to me! I am "that" woman. It's a weird, semi-uncomfortable place to be. Enjoy that babe!