I have to tell you I think I'm in the middle of a very slow and steady spiral. I cannot actually tell if I'm on my way up or on my way down, yet. I feel down, but am still touching hope that I might be off my rocker and will cling to insanity as my best defense, perhaps in the end tending upwards. let it be so.
I'm loose, my friends, my parts are not all connected with strong fibrous means any longer. I am loose, and wandering.
Last night I asked myself, 'what if there is no Aslan?'. and it was like a crowbar to my 12 year old girl stomach. something to grieve, certainly. to the depths.
how ? what? where have i come to? shit. and way deeper than shit.
way.
my dad's death is now circling around me, and i can't get away. I'm failing in everything that I'm setting out to do and I cannot get out of my own way. Its tremendous and its terrible.
my hubsJ asked me what i thought the purpose of life was . . . i was stymied. not only at the answer but at the question. purpose?! all in a dull fog for the next episodes.
i'm all up in the mid-life, babies. all . up.
The Accomplice, by Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson
3 days ago
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