Monday, February 3, 2014


the kids are at school .   it began snowing as they were waiting for the bus and has been snowing now for roughly six hours.  everything is beautiful. the yard is sugared.
the baby is asleep on the sofa, i am not doing chores.  it is quiet.
i've got photos all around me, on the walls, clipped to children's artwork. it is good and bad. things change so fast, so slow, so entirely. the past is real and false all at once. or, maybe, not false really, but gone, flexible in its truths. photos of the boys as babies, toddlers... what i remember of my dad from fifteen years ago, three months, and so on... how much has changed . . .
but its always changing like that, even when we don't look at it, how is it that we are so complacent, hmm ? 
i went to a birthday for a friend of mine.. took hubsJ and one of my oldest friends. . . 40 40.  i had drinks for the first time in ages and was okay! wahoo. no sickness for me .   but it was astonishing just how much i was 'fed' by seeing happy people... astonishing.  not only did i have a nice time of my own, but seeing the joy dancing around the floor was awe-some.  (this is the year we are 40... me and many of mine) i laughed and gossiped and felt guilt for the gossip and moved on... even danced with my poor damn bladder. . . so there is that. new crayons.

there are these moments. and i am clutching them.  (we are going to look away from the clutch and gaze out the window some more.)