Friday, April 17, 2009
i'm not sure what i think or how i feel about this latest turn of events. as an instant to instant replay, it would be fascinating - so very changeable. As I flip and flop around- can't even think to type clearly or use grammar as more than a pause-building tool. stop-gap-measure.
our application for the loan was denied.
j was offered a part time job a half hour later, for which he is interviewing as I type.
maybe its good to not take on the extra debt.
maybe I'm not meant to know what it is like not to stress over money, maybe its part of my character.
I'm concerned about paying for bills a few months from now. where is the safety in your home if you put it on shaky ground?- so says the Cancer in me.
I need not be concerned about a few months from now as there is nothing I can do about it and it may ALL be different by then.
I'm sick with disappointment. I'm relieved to not be waiting anymore.
I wonder how much my disappointment is tied to knowing I've let things slide in anticipation of being able to write big checks and pay things off... what the hell are we going to do about the sewer bill?