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Monday, August 22, 2011

Marriage is hard, like a brick wall of beauty...

really, its hard. way harder than anyone ever says it is. and its gorgeous, in its height and breadth. and its surprisingly porous, so many things slip through and away that you could never believe possible. and sometimes that is lovely, to release so many things. and sometimes we pine for what is lost, and spend a tremendous amount of time and energy trying to get it back.  and there it is, what we jump into unknowingly, jump from ... crash into... a sharing, a longing, a space of immobility and permeability, an us when the 'I' is still unknown.  what has 'love' become? what are the changing definitions and how much change will we tolerate? how to bend with the wind when one is an edifice?
:)
my analogy perhaps goes too far. because, of course, there is sex.
for those of us who go that way, anyhow.
who aren't too tired...asleep before the light is off... or bogged down by the minutia of the everyday, holding onto resentments that play their power roles in turning down something the other would really like, self-pleasure relegated to the capriciousness of a relationship...
BUT! sex is good, and we should all be doing it whilst we may.
so, get on that.

ah, the yin, the yang. ah.

3 comments:

Owen A said...

hello!

just wanted to say that you got my attention;; I've not found an urge to comment for many a moon; much of the time you have been in the house transition mode. as my own wife yearns for this same transition- contemplating how far my situation is from satisfying her - makes this an unwelcome thought to me to talk on
not that i am in any way in a position to tell you what the focus of your mind [blog, writing, postings ] may be or may not be [especially since my own forays into this form have been less that what make me proud;; in the one hand been a "weird news of the day" and the other "thousand tits bouncing"] ;
but - reflections on marriage are what drew me to this forum in the first; and what topic most holds my mind now. my navelgazing tendancy to look at what the imaginary creature created between two people is or might be-- just way too introspective -- too completely unproductive for real, daily life. or the people who see me in it

The days blur by together;
years are as but a moment,
but some of those awkward moments-
twist and spin
[suffering down the mind's hole
{making a new reference for
abstractions of


} ]

only to find the gaze gouging the center of my soul is none other than blind anger- not knowing what it touches- torching in it's passing; only afterwards can the path be traced to find what was the problem- what was that all about. what just happened- why was I so lost from what I thought I knew

The same problem Martin Buber i.d'ed half century or so ago; never goes away. it is perennially the barrier that we look across at the other,yet also part of who we see our selves to be; your image of a brick wall is apt;- as such a structure may stand for many years appearing immobile and invulnerable to change - suddenly to fall or envelop a new form; made up of several hard stones or principle- gummed together with much sand or mutual experience- cemented with compromise and continueing to be willing to see if not to change
if we are the wall; the wall changes. One day a tower- the next a bridge. we choose [even {or especially} when we deny the choice] of what direction we place each brick we manage to hold each day. somedays there is no brick. somedays we are the brick. somedays it is all we can do not to despair and pull down many fortnights of our previous vision of careful construction of where the thing should
go


the wall; at once the wall is the relationship- the solid foundation we build together [or the teetering mass tending toward disaster]
the wall is us- we are our own creation as far as what passes for our mind; in order to see ourselves in the larger context of a togetherness a community [even of two] a higher being or holy creator; we must learn not to notice the wall- or to understand its shaping and its crookedness to the goal of not pressing where it is weakest
we are at one instant the brick and the builder;


spent; my words goo the page- my mind an empty tube; toothpaste might be given bad name by my presumption

Owen A said...

ya; so I just learnt that putting "<" and ">" on ether side of a work makes that word disappear!! [i'm guessing it is read as an HTML tag- like I know what that is...]

so uh- there were only three words missing but- i'm reposting the 7 lines above them :


The days blur by together;
years are as but a moment,
but some of those awkward moments-
twist and spin
[suffering down the mind's hole
{making a new reference for
abstractions of
< loss >
< betrayal >
< eternity > } ]

wifemotherexpletive said...

O! glad to see you back. it is a mindblowing thing, this marriage idea. . . and i think personally that 98% of what is so hard is that expectation plays a much larger role than it should, what is 'disappointing' is only what doesn't match what we were expecting, hoping for... and so, its a birthday party bust. when, really, it would help us all to accept it as is, in all its mixing of cements and poor constructions, overly firm firmaments, etc.
-not saying its easy, just think i would personally be helped by being more accepting, allowing a fluidity of structure. looking at it, creating a change just by the looking.