Monday, August 29, 2011

What I cannot believe.

What I cannot believe is that we didn't know what we were missing.  We had a feeling...and some fears, but we didn't know. 
and now we do.

Today was the 'open building' day in our new school district... you can go in, see your classroom, tour the building, go see the cafeteria and the library, meet the principal, talk to the school fundraising ladies.... meet your classmates, run in the halls...

By the end of our 25 minutes, hubsJ and I were choking back tears. Rather than starting the year with 44 classmates, our boy is going to have 23 classmates and a teacher who stays all year, classmates with two parents (some, but at least SOME.), and 70,000 books, actually sorted into categories.  These things are standard in the rest of the country, i know.  but not in poor communities, not in struggling schools. haves not. He has a sweet teacher, a sweet classroom, excited kids to become friends with... oh my, oh my.  a whole new life that begins.  How can you be any happier to let your kid grow to this?

(i'm no dummy, i know he's a boy in a public school classroom, but man, i love school. )

My heart is so full of gladness for our move and our motion that it hurts like I am heartbroken.  It hurts.
I imagine for all you normal people out there, that this might be a type of joy, that one feels in one's heart. :)  It also feels like I want to nurse, will explode with the tenderness.

I don't have an ipod, or any songs on a computer, anywhere...but I had a real bonified imaginary soundtrack in my head on the way home from the school this morning.

My soundtrack is 'cuts like a knife', and  the beautiful yell in 'i'm a creep', weezer? ...Peter Gabriel because I will take whatever he dishes... . and then 'we are the champions' because really, its on everyone's list, or should be. and of course, folk versions of 'goodnight irene'...

Irene----we did fine during the hurricane, but I have a very strong and newfound relationship to the trees in and around my yard.  They lost some branches but none of them fell or lost their footings.  We lost power for the day but had it back in time for a later supper. I had the best bath of my life when we had water again and felt my first kinship with this house.  We are beyond beyond incredibly lucky.
The swingset is no more, but it came with the house and started out quite akimbo so we will test to see if it will hold more than one child and then let her pass gently into the good night, i believe.