Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Sob story, well, not at all, really.

My little brother has grown up into a man! and there is a part of me that is having a hard time with the change.  He spent the weekend up here for Easter, with his 1st ever brought-home girlfriend, her six-year old son, and their growing bellybaby who will be birthed some time in July.  He lives in New York City, and has for the past decade plus.  It is his home, and where he lives, in particular, is dangerous and filled up with people who are crazy/caught/wild.  and it makes me worry, for that family, and I don't really handle worry very well these days, or any days for that matter. I have a tendency to peseverate (sp?) and get overly fixated, lose sleep, etc.  I try to eradicate worry from my days, at which I am really fairly successful... all that 'disbelief in lack' and all that.... and if I could go back and erase the conversations that have made me worry about him, I probably wouldn't, because it has given me a much truer picture of where he is.  We need to visit more, the timing is hard and weird and I don't know how to get that done.
I am so glad for the new people he has brought into our lives, up here and I look forward to a new swingchange of family dynamic...
and I miss that little boy sometimes, the kid who made lego cities, that took over the basement and the pingpong table... who sang the National Anthem before every single playgame,  not the one who had a passionate ear-bursting love for NWA as well as cigarettes and pot.  whoosh. we had some doozy fights, i tell you.  and that was SOOO long ago, it is almost laughable.
Oh.sigh. . . .  Love you, brother.


MotherOfGooses said...

you know, every once in a while I have to catch myself and think, wait a minute "that" little boy doesn't live with me anymore. I'm lucky that that little boy has a little boy and he can come visit.