Thursday, May 3, 2012

Juju, Intravenous. . . field mice.

Two days of field mice in the house has topped me off on my ridiculously-cute meter.... they really are.  BUT, one was a plaything for the three cats, and one was VERY stunned and confused by his housebound predicament... both were saved and returned to the great outdoors but I have discovered that I have some primordial problem with rodents and cannot handle even the fatally cute field mouse. I can easily have a completely internal panic attack even thinking about them now.  fyi.

Two weeks from today I am off to my four-day Benedictine retreat.  I haven't been thinking about it too much, I think there is probably some unexplored psychological drama there, but hubsJ asks if I am excited about it every other day and I find it annoying...(see said unexplored drama...)
I probably am not easy to be married to.
I AM looking forward to it, but in an unrealistic way that I have gone through before, like, I'll be spinning in the mountains with Maria-type things, or that I'll be working in the garden planting for hours and I'll get beautifully tanned, because the sun will not seek the Sisters, because it knows better, coming from God and all...
so, because of the unreality, I am just trying to ignore all my feelings about the impending retreat.... just get to it, on a daily basis.  I seem to have most of my daily energies back up to level.  Someone remind me about water on a regular basis, allright? sheesh.  what a simple fixit. water. Hello?!
I am happy that it is coming, I hope I come back a better person.  and I'm not sure if that fits into the unreality or not, so I am both ignoring it, and trying to let it linger so I can look at it a bit.  Does this come from some insecurity and self-doubt place? or a hopeful one? or both, and then what does this mean? what story am I telling myself about who I am right now?
too bad Chakra Carol can't fit in my pocket. or that JuJu fish can't be enjoyed intravenously, because I'd go to THAT clinic in a heartbeat, and my excitement would be clear.