Marching on. . .

still no baby. due next tuesday, which, when midwives are in charge? doesn't mean much.  we'll go til the baby is ready, they say... so its possible i could make Guinness Book of World Records by being the most pregnant person EVER.  maybe i'll be like the elephants and make it to 12 months.  boy, that would be something. 

otherwise, life is startling in its ability to keep on keeping on.  Its the opposite of that blank feeling you get when someone dies, that negative space gaze that you turn out onto the world of people who have 'not' just experienced a death, or trauma.  there is so much life here in me that i am struggling to be its containment. 

I've (still, and again) turned inwards. and am amazed and startled by the things that bring me back to the outer world.  at this point, there is not much my kids can do to startle me, i've become flinch-desensitized, could rush the bus with my eyes closed and my hands packing snacks.
 but adults, habits, repetitions, sameness?  i confess i rush to judgement.  oh goodness. i can't believe the globular sensations i have don't spread! how can this slowspeed push through gelatin that i am living not apply to all those around me? how?  is it not in the air, this 9 1/2 mos of swimming in fog?

oye.  we prepare for halloween in our fashion.  zombies, zombieme.  dry ice smokes me out, i hope. we will see...