Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Tell me i'm a genius. all the time.

I posted something on facebook which was political, and was basically calling the Romneys out for being part of the package which has caused our countries economic crisis.  and i meant it, not really specifically that one family, but as far as they are part of the bigwig establishment which actually CREATED the terms 'entitlement' and 'offshore tax havens'...
And I got responses which disagreed with me.  And they were cousins' wives, and they were very polite about it, and pointed and intelligent in their disagreements.  I don't mind that they did that at all, and I wasn't surprised because I have long known their tendencies towards the 'other sides'.   But what did surprise me was how uncomfortable it made me.  I wanted to take my comment down immediately upon the first disagreement, and I didn't, because I thought it would mark me cowardly in some way.  And I spent an inordinate amount of time crafting my responses, checking to see if there were more comments, etc.  I didn't sleep well that night, either, thinking about it. . . (and i am in desparate need of a good nights sleep, because my belly is the size of your largest pet. -hamsters not included, i'm thinking Labradors..)
what i came to is this, not shockingly, I do not like disagreement.  the suggestion that someone might not think me totally brilliant is upsetting. its not that i think everyone has to think the way i do about the Romneys and the direction our country should move, I don't.  But the thought that someone 'out there' might think less of ME because of my views is unsettling.  I think I ended up feeling less because of it all.  whaaaa?

I have a feeling I've got some work to do on my self-esteem. 

I also feel the burn when it comes to my own defensiveness, my flash to judgement of 'them'... none of it comes out on paper but it certainly roils its way around in my head for too much time.  how dare they not believe me to be a genius, all the time?  how dare they, with their lives of priviledge and success, not have formulated all the same opinions as I ?  how DARE they?  burn baby, burn.  the judgement is yet another work issue that i've got going on.  thank you.

9 mos pregnant and really really looking forward to the baby, so i can focus on something besides myself for a little while.  i think the break'll do me good.  sheesh.


MotherOfGooses said...

I hold back all the time because I can't stand all the self-doubt and editing and sleepless nights of standing by my words. I know that I'm depriving myself of deeper knowledge and all that, from the ensuing dialogue. but I can't help it. I want to be LIKED! You are a genius, by the way.

Kate Hall said...

thank you, thank you... (imperial wave)... :)

Mama Mama Quite Contrary said...

In those situations, I often just say we can agree to disagree BUT I always think that my "opponents" are lacking some sort of experience, education, or compassion to make them think the way they do. So yes dear, you ARE a genius. ALL THE TIME.

Unknown said...

Never discuss, politics, religion, and the great pumpkin. :)

Unknown said...

Never discuss, politics, religion, and the great pumpkin. :)