Monday, April 1, 2013

Daffodils and the dirt they ride in on...

just found myself standing by the bassinet with my finger caught in the mouth of the almost five month old, head down on the wicker, legs buckling from the ridiculousness. would have been better to just give in and lie down on the floor. ...allow for the  'up all night' mentality that seems to be all the rage these days.  maybe i should get some 'E'.   peh.  today i am still in my pajamas, and while i appreciate the dream of comfort that can give, it does not for me.  i am in restriction, frozen in my own resistance.  agah, struggle struggle guffaw.  and, actually, therein lies the rub.  i once was funny, and am no more.  i don't quite know where it has gone, but it is.  and while i hope this is a dormancy which will prove itself fodder for daffodillians, i am not sure, and i don't lack myself without my 'funny'.  i miss laughing with my kids, turning them away from their own gripes with my bubbles of delight.

it is much too easy to blame this on others. 

and so on, and so forth. 
the work is never done. I'm reading 'The Quotidian Mysteries: Laundry, Liturgy and "Women's Work" by Kathleen Norris. . . damnit if i have to get mindful again, damn it all.

(my day will come, i just have to deal with this one right now.)