Monday, January 25, 2016

Sorrow spills..

I may be a gardener, appreciative of the full glory of the percolation of hibernation,  but it doesn't mean that i'm not weeping into my downward dog.  I'm trying so hard to keep my sorrow from the kids, and its not really working... it just spurts out in 'short-temperedness' and apologies. and i feel so for the three year old that i will cry in front of, because i think she is too young to understand, because i think i'm fooling myself and shortchanging her.  so much change, so much sorrow .
and surprise. so much that i wasn't ready for... the silence, man.  thats a killer. not knowing if sending a text is appropriate, not knowing what to share, striving for normalcy but not knowing what that even is, anymore.
and, fully, realizing that i am on my own, that i might not get any response at all, much less the interest and curiousity that i am pining for.  i told a friend that i am a keeper of the flame, and i am aware that i hold the light, but am filled with sorrow that noone is looking for this flickering... the mystery is too deep and right this second i am in sink.



MotherOfGooses said...

I am looking for the flickering. Take care.