Monday, September 28, 2009


i tried to go to church this morning and did. got in, dropped one off at the nursery and convinced the other to sit with me in a heavily cushioned pew. luckily, it was blessing of the animals day. lucky. between my hearing crap, the large pillar, the snuffling child trying to do cartwheels 'quietly', and the barking, i did not get much of the beloved quiet time of church. and then, it got to be time for churchschool so we walked on out and I NEVER GOT BACK IN.

I know that all of this is regular, rigamarole-sh even. But I'm feeling such a desparate need for quiet and for solitude and solace, and I'm shaken by my inability to do it.. I'm trying to give myself opportunities for placitude. platitude. not sure. I will say that I am shaken by my constant shakiness. what is causing this desparation? why can't i just accept the stage I am in, the ages of my children ? the fact is that most mothers of youngones cannot get quiet time. so why is my disappointment so vast? VAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAST.
i want to deposit my children like suitcases at the door, like my highschool backpack that simply traveled to and fro without ever being opened. dropped. and picked up later, with a large quiet gap in the meantime.
and coffee, and chocolate, and some GOD.