Thursday, October 1, 2009

Monsters and Biology

today i'm some kind of wierd eating monster. chips, cookies, and why are they in the house in the first place? i never eat this shit and the counters are FULL of it. and yesterday my body kicked in and said, 'c'mon, lets get pregnant again.'.... yes it did. and no, i didn't .
with a four year old in the bed, romance is somewhat stifled. wish i could get him the hell out. wish i could figure out biology to speak its language. and wish my inner dialogues could get out faster, appear funnier, be more informative/interesting/challenging. and i'm still eating and I could swear that I don't actually like Doritos. well, i love the cool ranch ones, but that is not where I am at. . . I am getting ready to leave on monday night for four days. and I think leaving will physically hurt me, while the being away will be somewhat glory-filled. Wisconsin in the fall is a brutally beautiful thing. and I will be with Pam, love of the friendshiplife that i have had. If I didn't like malefemale sex so much, I would definitely be her slave. But I do, so I am friends instead. . . and gloriously.
my husbands parents are moving in to the house for the days I am gone. I'm glad because it should take much of the stress off his shoulders and I am peeved because amazingly, I do it by myself every single day and noone moves in to take the stress off my shoulders. we are all amazing. all of us. I do not feel good about myself for my peev-ation. heh. I think I need to get away for a little bit, as luck would have it. ah.
maybe even have a second drink, a long lay about, a made for adults type movie... my god, maybe even in a theatre. shit.
so- do i actually want to be pregnant again? how the hell would i figure out another baby? should i figure out when its best to be that tired? summer, winter, what.
dude. someone tell me what to do with my life. my inner dialogue is way slower than my fingers fly.
theres a shiny flicker down there and i'm a bit worried its telling me to have a baby. again.


Mama Mama Quite Contrary said...

Don't do it!!!!!!!! I firmly believe that one should not have more children than hands unless there is a person (paid or otherwise) to be available to help EVERY DAY until the newest baby is two. It will do you in otherwise. (My kids all pretty much sleep in their own beds and I'm STILL saying this.) :-)

You should, however, take your vacation and ENJOY it. You deserve it and you can get a little extra laugh at the fact that your husband needs reinforcements while you are the superhero EVERY DAY.

Have fun!

Athena said...

You are going to have the BEST time away. Trust me -- my first trip away from the kids was a road trip to NJ-- I cried all the way through Mass but started smiling once I hit Connecticut. I didn't stop the entire 4 days. Pure joy.

And.....get a puppy if you must.

slugs on the refrigerator said...

I am with you on the cool ranch doritos. They are the best...over here they are called 'original' but apparently the cheesy ones were here first. What sense does that make?

Good luck with your trip away. I am sure you'll be fine???

urban craft said...

I can't tell you how I enjoy reading your site. This mommy thing is hard and while I would never go near doritos, I often buy and eat other types of crap (over-processed cupcakes) just to punish myself. It really isn't that good, and I feel like shit afterwards. Why do we do it. Being a mom beats us up enough, why make it harder for ourselves. Whether you have another baby or not, it will work out. I have taken to stop trying to decide on things and go with the flow. Can't really fight it either way. But definitely decide on more ways to have fun.