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Friday, October 30, 2009

closing the curtain

geezus. the fall thing is killing me today. the same struggle as always, with family and husband and weather and aches and pains and too much time on my hands and all the meaning in the world being in those same hands...the center of the universe really.
and then not at all. just a speck in the myriad universes.

yoga is breaking my knees. and I am working my thighs like nobody's business but my knees are on fire . and that means I am old. OLD. because i have a post about aches and pains of the external sort. i think my grandmother would tell me to get on with it, get something done. but i can't hear her that well today. . .

OLD.
sometimes the part of me which is embittered is all on the surface, the little man from the inside who is usually skipping and dancing about is all stillness and grey. statuette. and today i am there. right there. in the still and the grey . and it is hard to get my kids up for their costumed hysteria and it is just hard to see how hard it is for me.
maybe my old is compounded by my lonely.
maybe i should fly back out to wisconsin.

2 comments:

Athena said...

yoga shouldn't hurt your knees :-) maybe swimming is the right movement for your body? suspended in water, floating?

wifemotherexpletive said...

hey athena - i asked the instructor and she said, 'ok, show me how you use your thighs...so i did. and she looked up at me and said, 'ok, now, tighten them... '. so, its getting better now that I actually tighten them. though i am more frequently in shakythigh territory.