Thursday, September 1, 2011

Ennui...or maybe menopause? menstruation? mid-life existential dilemmas?

Such a strange looking word, that one. ennui. 
Say it often and it becomes a sort of chant.  ennui, ennnnnnnnnuiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...... plus, it looks vaguely threatening with all the dots it contains. or, conversely, sort of partylike in its confetti. i choose partylike, today.
and its not truly a boredom with which or by which I am waylaid, but it is truly a restlessness, an inability to focus, a difficulty finding that or those who give me/afford me solace, restfulness. Its a bad cycle, a bad spot, or at least the one I find myself in, and I don't like it.
*we had salmon last night and i can't get away from the smell. and can't seem to be bothered to scrub - just get repeatedly annoyed by the waft. I don't like salmon, at all, in any wayshapeform. so sue me. i am unhip.
*My kid is starting school and I'm so happy, but I haven't done anything to prepare and I'm vaguely annoyed at the wild mechanisms of the shopping guides that are arriving daily which all tell me to go buy him a lot of stuff, and so i'm just playing mathgames with him and giving him tons of timeouts because he is a punk from hell these days. I don't want him to go back to school, and I do.
*my hubsJ complains that I don't have any laughing these days. and I don't.

wanna fight? no, me neither.


Mama Mama Quite Contrary said...

I hear you. I've been stepping on freaking graham cracker crumbs all day and it is making me crazy. I hate the feeling of things like that on my feet but I can't bring myself to sweep. Apparently, I'm expending too much energy on other things. (I just can't name what those things are.)