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Thursday, March 22, 2012

I'M GOING TO A NUNNERY.

although i don't think thats what its called. Its an Abbey, full of sisters who say masses and garden in habits and make their own food, and pray, pray, pray...  and since I am up at an otherworldly early hour, with a headache and a belly ache, I thought I would share what causes a different kind of ache.  I can't even believe that such a thing exists anymore, that there are women and men in the world who decide to make their role in the world be one of devotion and ceaseless prayer to god.  Talk about radicals.
 I'll be there for four days in May. just me. HubsJ will hold the fort while I am gone, doing homework (hopefully) and dinners and lunches, laundry (not likely) and bedtimes, as well as getting kids to school on time.  I imagine he'll need a retreat when I return.
I will share meals and masses with the Sisters and take a part in their workload, as they will allow and as I can be helpful. I just got their letter yesterday, as they have no phone or internet. The letter itself caused me a little bit of anxiety, as I'd been waiting for a response to my request for a week or so... and the reality of acceptance brought a flood of worry.  'won't they see me as unfit?'  'its so far away, they don't even have a phone!'... 'the scheduling of this is going to drive me mad'... 'the boys, how can i take care of them if i'm not even here?!'... 'its really only three days because of all the driving' ... 'the driving'...
Its like the daily multitask, its too much, it gets in the way of doing things simply, and completely... the worry is the daily, and needs to be left behind in this particular case, as I go to have my monastic experience in the world, for the first time at least. 
I had to write them asking for guest quarters, letting them know why I wanted to come.  It was an awesome letter to write, actually, in that it was AWEsome to sit and think and attempt to be direct about what it is that I am looking for... its not just retreat and solitude that I am craving.  Its not a busy yoga week, not a week alone in the mountains.  I want to be in a place with a focus, a Godly focus, with other people who are doing their own Godly focus.  I want to be open for listening, ironic for the almost deaf, but true.  I would like to hear what Gd wants of me, beyond this mothering game, which is a very big game, but I think there is more to it... but I look forward to finding out, or not, as the case may be...
whooooeeee...
just call me A whill' o the whisp, a clown....ask me how to hold a moonbean in my hand....  and i'll be all set...

5 comments:

Jen said...

Wow. You are very brave. I cannot wait to read about your experience. I hope you find what you are looking for.

MotherOfGooses said...

sometimes I think I use multi-tasking as a crutch, it will be interesting to know what it is like without it.

Monica said...

Can I come too?

Noel said...

I have often thought about doing the same, my motivation being a time to listen to something other than people and just not speak. Good journeying

Noel said...

I have often thought about doing this, my motivation being to listen to something other than people and just not speak. Good journeying