Wednesday, January 2, 2013


i haven't picked my word for the year, i haven't even picked my tarot card.  even.  how will i decide whats going on?  i haven't meditated and its already day 2. heh. I have stopped tidying and I have had a second cup of coffee, as bitter as it is.  I have allowed myself NOT to try the grocery store with the babe in carrier and the five year old who wants to run free down the aisles.  I have spent a night sleeping with the babe in the crib next to me and woke to cries and said, 'oh, oh' ... because i had slept like a person without a baby... and thats pretty incredible.  I have moved the yoga video closer to the tv.  I have developed a wild love for sweet citrus drinks.  (of the orange kind, not the alcoholic kind). I have ordered flea chemicals for the cat online so that relief will arrive in a box. I have noticed the light streaming all around. I have written thankyous, at least some of them.  I take such pleasure in walking to the mailbox, somedays I can even do it without thinking about death by ice floes. even.
I'm feeling a bit crotchety, even while noticing the light, and I wonder about that.  Isn't gratitude and noticing beauty supposed to cancel out the negatives of my inner world? maybe i'm not really letting the goods sink in?  I have been thinking about tatoos and my weird desire to have them in places that I can't even see.  just to know they are there and be surprised when someone Else notices. huh. I have tried looking at my face to see how its changing.  I have realized that cameras are tricky and elusive when it comes to showing truth.  I've been reading, I've got a stack from the library and from the gifters and I am really raring to go, one kid is back in school and I'm waiting the next to begin and then we're off! I've even read at night, even.
hubsJ called me ethereal and while i like it and want to sashay my way into it, i don't neccessarily wear it today, or lately, or often.  but its good that he describes me that way.  it is preferable to many things. I feel bad for hubsJ this week.  I think he is struggling with many things and I can't do anything for his struggle.
I grasp at this feeling of the new year, not wanting its hope to melt away and leave the plainjanelife with me. I don't want her around right now. hm.

deep and crisp and even.


MotherOfGooses said...

You have so many great phrases in this post. Ethereal indeed. Happy New Year.

Danica Bridges-Martin said...

Happy New Year! :) Danica