*I apologize for my writing being so dull and without any flow these days. Its all in the larger details, I think.
The ParentTeacherOrg was quite mind-blowing. There were six of us, a teacher and a principal. pal. ple. pal, for sure.
In an hour, I thought at least a dozen times, Is he drunk? Why would they be drunk at this hour? why would they come here if they were drunk? Maybe she had a stroke....
I don't want to talk any more about it.
So hows this? Instead I will talk about the feeling of wild abandonment and shiftless guilt that I have about letting my kid go to school. It is day 3 today. THREE. (I am waiting for at least, EIGHT days, but maybe I'll pull him out tomorrow if I cannot stand it... ) This is nuts. I am not responsible. but I DO get to choose. I just didn't realize . . . so. so. many things.
He loves it, absolutely. Though he is so tired when he gets home I am basically unable to gleen a single piece of information from him that doesn't involve a Power Ranger. (I am assuming they are not watching Power Rangers at school... on second thought, maybe i should pick him up early today... )
My new animal analogy is a sad one, the ever faithful bumblebee, in Autumn. Plugging along, bumbling hopefully to the blossoms, batted down by a cold breeze, again and again. I am just wanting to stay down, these days. Feeling foolish every time I get back up and think it'll all be fine again... so embarassed by my own optimism.
but I don't know what else to do but keep getting up in the morning. look at a cookbook, do some laundry, walk to school, walk home, kiss my kid, miss my kid. They are so lovely, so quirky and so gross. and that is the truth.