Wednesday, September 22, 2010


My writing is getting sloppy, like i can't decide what i'm saying so i just say everything that passes through.  Chakra Carol (internal) is shaking a fist at me.  I did a bad job in my last post, of explaining myself, and now I 'suffer' (said with great whine and suuuuuuuuffffferr).  my ego is stirred and as i may have dipped into someone else's experience, i felt very badly.
And therein lies a rub.  I feel badly because someone else might feel badly or be disappointed in me.  How does one enter into a life of peaceful awareness and an attempt at non-judgementalness and maintain that awareness in the face of what is 'wrong'?  If there is no duality, how does one make change?  if nothing is 'wrong' vs. 'right', how does one decide what to do with activism? or even (the more simple?) taking care of the kids in the neighborhood?  We have a little boy (j) who comes to the door all the time to play.  all the time, 8 am and 8 pm.  And I let him in every day, as well as two of his sisters, and I feed them and I do what I can to let them be.  We have discovered that the rule of three must need apply, three warnings and then go home, we'll try again tomorrow.  The boy is too rough, very demanding, very loud, and doesn't have the innate sense of play to recognize that you can't play rough with the one in diapers. . . my five year old sometimes needs a break from this 'play'! its true, he even asks for a day off from j once in a while.  really. and i give it.
IF I am not judging... and there is no wrong/right debate,  whats the problem?
Where do you stand when your kids are potentially at risk?  Am I really doing a mine vs. yours, with kids? Kids? !
What're my priorities for the world if I decide to ban this play? to stop feeding this brood?
I am trying to keep my eyes open wide, to pay attention to what is before me, surrounding me and how I am moving through it.  I am confused.
I've read a book called Simplicity Parenting ( find your own link, i am flustered...) in the hopes that I can give or provide more quietude to C when he gets off the school trip, so there will be more balance in his space.  Less wilderness of 'stay at your desk', less clutter, less noise, more running, more peace...
what, then, do I do with j?  a being not at peace, not of quietude, interjected into what i egotistically think i am 'creating' in my home? what are my big pictures?
Do i invite the kids for dinner when there might not be enough ?  what the hell is enough? 
new topic?


Jen said...

Ooh, I feel like you and I would be fast friends in real life. I appreciate your exploration and perspectives and challenges.

I set some goals for myself, about what I want our home to be. I want it to be a safe haven. I want others to feel welcome here. Sometimes those ideas are at odds with each other, in which case I have to send neighborhood children home. I don't always offer more than one warning, or even one warning...

I am lucky in that nearly all of the children in my neighborhood are well cared for. I can be confident that if I send them home for dinner, they will be fed something good. Therefore, it is easy for me to send them home. It would be infinitely harder if I had to worry about them.

You have to do mine vs yours with kids, I think. Our kids need to feel they *belong* to us, and we treasure them above other children, and we will make safety and peace for them when they need it. I don't think that's wrong...

I don't know if we can be non-judgmental, for the reasons you stated. Maybe we can only hope not to condemn others for their choices, even if we judge their actions to be wrong?

I love your writing.

Nancy said...

if raw means sloppy, then yes maybe it was sloppy. if deciding the mom will do this versus that is judgmental, then yes maybe it was judgmental. but when honesty is raw and choices are made for the right reasons then who can find fault?

i certainly don't know.

The D said...

"Enough" is a bottomless pit. (especially when it is married to judgment)

Mama Mama Quite Contrary said...

I feel like if the neighborhood kids are adding to the craziness then I give them the boot. If they are somehow occupying my children in a safe and happy way than they can stay as long as they want (and I'll bribe them with popsicles too.)