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Monday, January 23, 2012

Sortof

I'm feeling sortof off, lonely (sortof)... feel like I'm doing a lot of waiting for shoes to drop.  Alot of pretty changes are happening around here, and its not all just snow.
=The homelife is going through some radical changes that I am too scared to talk about and risk tempting the witchy fates. bitches. I don't want it to end, and that makes me so sad and certain that it will.  I am probably overly hormonal today, as if that were to effect some change in my reading of the world. or yours.  I just have to be okay with it ending, or stuttering, or changing to something gross or beautiful ... and what then? I'm not sure how much faith and patience I have to muster.
=A friend from high school offered to submit some of this here writing to a magazine/site he works for... he offered, i didn't know said piece existed or that he was reading here, so that was clearly cool.  But I have not alot of good feelings about reading much of my old stuff and I spent a weekend going over and over old posts to try and see what people would like to read and it did a bit of a number on my soul. So perhaps I am not cut out to edit, look at this as a doorway through which to shove my humor and typing skill. I put so many things behind me, so easily sometimes.  Maybe there is an irony in here, as this is certainly a public way to journal... and to have someone point out that it is, in fact, public?  awful. I am not quite able to feel clean about it right now. Tomorrow?  I also feel ridiculous for not being that excited.  what am i, an idiot?
=Doing yoga again, out in public, with other people. The first class I was youngest by 20 years.  The second, I wasn't the youngest, twice. So its a nice mix.  I wish like hell I knew how to talk to strangers when doing a common task. 
=My hearing is pissing me off and making me sad. (hormones) In Meeting, people stand up and speak when the light strikes them in the heart. so cool.  Unless they are looking right at me, and are nearby me, I don't know what they are talking about.  and dude, that just sucks.  not only do i not get to share in what has struck them, but i am having to be general in my support of them, and I want specifics. 
I WANT SPECIFICS.

So, its sortof a wash. 

2 comments:

Jen said...

Nice. Just nice.

wifemotherexpletive said...

oh jen. how's your Hive? snowed in?