Wednesday, January 4, 2012
I've been having problems with my old familiar rut lately, so much that I think I'll be heading into another 'cleanse*' at the end of the month, of the house, the food, all of it...we need more light and there is too much blocking the windows...
*(this is how I do that: http://hannahsharvest.com/the-making-space-cleanse/)
My rut and I are very old friends, and it is so cozy down there. so cozy. So when I think about resolutions and dreams for the future at the New Year, I have a hard time getting out of the box. I've put some serious consideration into what it is I'd like to change and really, I'm having a hard time thinking about goal-oriented specifics... or maybe its just that I don't feel my language capability is equipped for the 'new-ageyness' of it all... i'm not all sparkle, glimmer and sunshine, see? A dinner mate told me over the weekend that I was a loner. Is this true? I have no idea. I'm certainly alone a lot. sheesh. I don't even know. And she IS a girl of sparkle and glimmer. dude.
... and it isn't that I'm so content that I can't see the change possibilities. I wish...(ah, but I don't really, I can't formulate an actual wish... and therein, post-subject #5497) ... I have a great life in many ways, but it is not filling me up with joy, and I'd like some more of that. I want to spread the damn stuff around. At the very least, I'd like to make it easier to access the joy on a regular basis. Some of that, for me, is eating better, remembering to do yoga in a pointed daily-type way, and getting more time to meditate. I AM going to clear more space...stop acquiring, go on a purchasing-boycott... even my lovely quiet space at the top of the stairs is gathering 'things' and I am changing that, maybe even today... I'd like more music in my life... being a hearing-impaired fool makes it hard to listen to much new stuff, as it sounds like seaslush melody and I can't make out lyrics at all... so I've decided that I might need to teach myself an instrument... music welcome! come on in, lady muse, come on in...
Making it public is step one. What else have I made public? not much. not much. hm. I think I need to step back from feeling how public this is and step back into just writing about my life and what it contains. I think it'll help me feel more connected, to myself and to the few friends I've got reading this... less conspicuous and more intimate?
What do I want?
can anyone help me with this one?