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Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Constant adjustment

I found Easter really hard, which was a humdinger.  Something about it took me off guard, which is astonishing, in and of itself.  How could my guard be down? its a holiday, one that made my dad giddy... how could i be surprised to find it so difficult?  I wept .   when you weep an awful lot, it is called something a whole lot less romantic than 'wept' but I choose to see myself in a dusty shift, looking out into a western sunset, with 'wept' rather than 'ugly sob' in my mind's eye.
I think my mom, sister and brother were having an equally difficult time.  There was much gladness at the kids, and not enough of my dad. not enough. we are bereft.

man, it sucks a whole lot.


We got in a load of loam yesterday.   People here say 'loom' and it makes me want to punch someone.
I spent all my minutes when H forgot me yesterday, moving wheelbarrows full of loam back to the garden box.  2.5 cubic yards. a small amount but holy smokes.The driveway is still unusable, but the box is half-full, and I'm not even crippled by the physical activity yet. 

Last night was C's first official baseball game of the season and we are on watch for HubJ's stress levels.  C did not care a whit about hits/strikeouts blahblah because the team won.  So we go from there. The E will have his first game on Saturday, and he was asking many questions about how things go.  He is still uncertain what to do once he gets to first base.  HubJ may have to do some serious walking meditation.   His love for the game and the boys and for their self-satisfaction levels is what is behind this all, but it is going to be a process for him, to access the lighter side during these games. 

After the game, C says to me, 'mom, i'm not trying to be mean, but i don't know any other people who are so excited about dirt'. 
bah.
bahah. wait til he eats one of my tomatoes.

today we go out for breakfast in a wild freeforall of children and school vacation expenditure.  the dirt has arrived!! let them eat eggs!!! (or cocoa krispies, whathaveyou)

next week i'm hunting down my tomato plants/basil.... i can't really really plant most of my stuff til may here, and i am chomping at the bit, loaming at the mouth....
seriously, not a typeo.
:)

love to you, and may you have lots of dirt wherever you are.

wmx


2 comments:

MotherOfGooses said...

That's a great way to think about tomatoes, the progeny of dirt. Or a great way to think about dirt.

wifemotherexpletive said...

i do love me some dirt. :)