Wednesday, March 9, 2016

bad books.

i finished a book that i'm not even going to name here, because it was so much a book i don't want anyone else to read.  There is some sort of self-punisher in me these days, the same person who is suddenly watching romantic comedies, family comedies, marital comedies, and so on... when the kids are away and i am sitting alone on my couch with my re-found glass of wine and a frozen dinner of deliciousness.  Frozen dinners may not be the height of fine dining but you know what?  NO DISHES!  really!  its sort of incredible to walk into the kitchen and find, literally, no mess. its really awesome. but i digress.

so this unnameable book. has 'wife' in the title, and is all about a woman's decision to leave her crap husband.  i read the whole thing, so light, so beachy. . .  but get this? it is SO simple, the man is SUCH a turd, she is SO wealthy, her fabulous gay brother has a large house just WAITING for her to visit, her old, handsome, independently wealthy beau is just lurking at the door to WHISK her to her new life...
why would anyone like a book like this? does escapism really help? who wants to escape with such a delusion?  I think this sort of thing literally hurts women, by giving them something so completely illusionary ( i know, its not actually a word.)  to believe in... simplistic.

(lets not talk about why i read it to its end... man, i am a sucker for hope ... i thought the ending might really pull it out. but no. delusions indeed.)

The problem with all of this? is that it is so complicated. and it is truly exhausting to try to communicate right now. and i have to hope that time will help with that. more and more and more time.  It is SO difficult, because most of the emotions have been boiled away to leave just reactions, and while we are trying so hard to do what feels right and honorable to our own selves and for our children, we are definitely suffering from what i see as the ceaseless difficulty.  And I am working so hard on my negativity...

and then? moments of ease.
working seamlessly for kids.

so damn complicated.  but i am going to retain my delusional hope that it will get easier.
maybe its the effect of too many of those movies.  damn julia roberts. damn her.