Heart burst.

It is interesting, now that there is no man in this house. It is. There is so much more space for me, for my femininity to expand, for my heart to burst on a regular basis.   In the bursting, I am finding more and more of that space, that stretch into what i was, both ten years ago, when blisses and innocence started to be eroded by his issue, and when I started to withdraw into what i thought was the way to handle it... and now i know, it was the way i chose, but it wasn't the only possibility, and i am so sad for the way it has turned out, for all of us.

but motherhood? which also happened ten years ago, not at all coincidentally, and my baptism into the world of inter-connectivity, universal goo and the denial/explosion of the idea of independence? yeah, that is what causes the true heart burst.  Looking at these people that I have birthed, and now are seeding themselves about the world as they walk in this dirt i have prepared?  there is nothing else right now.  the world is rich. its my blood which is making it throb.
dude.
and there is no way in the world i will apologize for this wildness. or ever, even for one second, change the way i have handled this absorption into a more true universe.  perhaps there is a archetypal feminine in me afterall.  the primordial ooze.
there is no Atlas.  there is simply Mother.

and I am she.