J. has a girlfriend, or whatever the equivalent is, for old people.
whammy.
It doesn't change anything, really. but it was a whammy to hear, and to try to navigate through . J picked up the phone while she was still in the house. moron. but, done.
I just need people to be frank. subtlety and manipulation have no place in my space anymore, and it is beyond the beyond right now.
whammy.
not unexpected, and not heartbreaking, because my heart done broke a long time ago. but still a whammy. feels pretty fast. but then, he has a lot of time that most folks who are parents, do not.
i think i probably have some work to do on my feelings about this. i'm trying to acknowledge the rage without letting it run free. rage, hurt, jealousy of the experience, not of the woman.
isn't it amazing, and so sad, that i'm jealous of his freedom and not of the woman. i wish her well and will feel doubly sad for J. when it ends, too.
who knows? maybe it won't?!
ah, these things.
gooooo whammy!
COLOURED TELEVISION, by Danzy Senna
7 hours ago
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