Saturday, December 6, 2008

want a piece of me?

last night i lay me down to sleep with a year old baby latched onto my breast, a husband latched on to my breast and a three year old attempting to sleep on my neck. ah, rest. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to handle the day, much less do it with aplomb. Hubby took the three year old off to play squash so I took food over to an expectant mother of twins, holy shit, and took a stroller stroll to some stores. Got two beautiful ornaments, a woodcut of a tree and a red red cardinal. (as part of my incredible debtload, I am throwing caution to the wind...and still shopping... ) The cardinal is my 'bluebird' and I see it as proof that there is a higher power. There is simply no biological reason why a bird should be crimson, except to remind us that God can do whatever he wants. Everywhere we've lived in the past ten years except nyc has given us a pair of cardinals, and I am incredibly happy for it. We live now in a small urban milltown outside of Providence, and are very surprised by the birds we still can find. And the cardinals hang out by my window.

I'm getting to a point where I"m supposed to be thinking about weaning my younger boy. I can't tell you how I dread the transition. I don't have the older one's experience to fall back on as he weaned himself at nine months. This second baby is a true mama's boy, and it is so easy SO EASY to feed him this way. And if I wean him, do I have to let him sleep in the crib? He sleeps with us now and I love it and miss his simple warmth when he's not there. And there is also the recurring question of the distance he puts between my husband and I . Do I want it there or not?