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Sunday, May 9, 2010

Negativity and the negation of it...

Lately to battle my own self-obsessions, I have been lingering on facebook for far too long. I suppose it could be called leisure-time but I question that there is anything healthy or truly rejuvenative or relaxing in it, I seem to just be waiting around for something of interest to pop up- while the real life that I actually have, is unfolding all round me , and I'm just looking away.

I think I need to cut it out. The slow wasting of my self, and the building up of the negatives, those people who want to blame the president/democrats/republicans/global warming/immigrants for their crappy lives, who only post about troubles they are having, who make public their dislike for their ex's or their children or their bosses...

it seems so unrelenting. how can Arizona stand itself? How can any American possibly castigate new immigrants? HOW?! how can we be so far from recognizing ourselves?

and while I have long known that I can't really watch tv programs anymore, for the level of anxious aggression that it stimulates in me, its taken me a lot longer to head this way with the whole social thing, because i actually really NEED the social interaction, whereas I do not need to know about the desperate housewives that don't live in my neighborhood. or the skills neccessary to solve a murder. or the amount of food one human being can stockpile in their basement because they are fearful, like I am. . . I love re-meeting my old friends, reading about their relationships, it feels like getting to know them... but I would really like to SEE them and test, i guess, whether there actually is a relationship there. my guess is, there is . . . a shared something. . . and I think that is what I am looking for... the sharing... being part of a large whole in a way that it will help me to recognize myself, what i was before i became the space. the spacer around which are built words like 'mother/wife/housekeeper'... (jen did it well, at diagnosis:urine)
I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to find that knowledge 'out there', but it is comforting to share, to know that other people are looking to share, and that we're all in for some cosmic warmth and glow. . . if we just stop looking away.

so, happy mother's day... loser glowbugs...
I have a great grin, and I'm using it now... loser glowbugs...

7 comments:

Jen said...

This post is deep and I'm not just saying that because you pimped my blog. Really well written. I prefer the distanced social interaction of Facebook and blogging and I imagine that's part of the reason I get more and more awkward with every passing day... sigh.

Ah, happy mother's day!

Amanda said...

I will write at length about Facebook during my next letter :-) I have LOTS to say. Surprised?

urban craft said...

Did you check on Betty White on SNL. She had some funny thoughts about facebook and poking.

I would get on Facebook just to hang out with you there. But, I'm not gonna get on facebook so we'll just have to Skype or something.

Owen A said...

First about this post: I think you have identified what is the two sided nature of FB- 1] the eternal hallway of an imaginary highschool where you can see what is going on with people- without having any actual obligation to interact with anything/one other than the image they are choosing to broadcast at that moment; and 2] the most insidious time sink and escapist navel gazing location that has yet to be developed by human/computerkind. [and I mostly like FB]


so- I am delurking[i guess self identifying as a loser glowbug- is as good/accurate as any]. I have enjoyed your blog for sometime. your voice is distinct, unique and very recognizable- in the sense that your honesty leads me to believe that I know you [when clearly I do not] and that I identify with the emotions you express about dealing with issues in your life. I see you; much farther down the path of self-realization/expression than where I find myself on any given day. I hear your call for genuine comment feedback- and I urge you to keep it up. [what you are doing/sharing] because I see great benefit from what you may not realize is wisdom.

wifemotherexpletive said...

dude. owen, you made me blush. . . seriously.. . thanks.

Still Life With Coffee said...

I feel that way about facebook too. I hate the feeling I get after spending some time reading updates... either negative or totally "my life is perfect"
And I totally agree with what Owen said.

Owen A said...

following the discussion about Facebook: http://www.onlinefandom.com/archives/why-despite-myself-i-am-not-leaving-facebook-yet/

note bene: comment 1655
http://www.onlinefandom.com/archives/why-despite-myself-i-am-not-leaving-facebook-yet/#comment-1655