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Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Post this, suckah.


if you've read here for awhile you know that, superhero powers aside, i could spend an entire day talking nonstop about how much I suck. I do , I am just decrepit. . . sort of. i like to use the word suck too much, sometimes with a vengeance because it rhymes with fuck and because it sort of signifies nothing. My mother tells a story (regularly) about how when she was newly married to my father she asked him what it meant, and he told her in great detail about what suck could mean in regards to sex. They were married in the sixties, for your information. holla. lets not think about it too much. Now, i have never actually asked my mother about this in any way, but have heard the story dozens of times, mostly in reaction to one of my siblings or I having used the word, which we were forbidden to do when children. Also, taking the lord's name in vain was a soap-in-the-mouth experience. and we aren't even mormon or anything, just 'proper'. heh.

ANYHOW, all that suckage aside, I have yet again hit some sort of emotional cliff, wherupon I make a wild leap for the other side of the chasm and plummet to my death. I am much too lonely and i have had to fill my time today just to avoid the computer and the so-called contact that I receive from it. yesterday i spent my time trying to sew while giving the boys little or no tv and ended in a weep fest with my own bad self. i am beginning to believe there is something to the position that one should not have technology around-but i am scared silly to get rid of the cable and absolutely refuse to get rid of the dvd capability that we have... but i am honestly, upset about how much i rely on the tv to get myself through the day. i don't watch it, but 'they' do... and sometimes sports are on late at night but i know nothing about that... and so...why stay home then? if they spend hours a day watching the television and not improving themselves through play and interaction with the world, why not just plug them into a large childcare factory, at least they'll be with other kids playing and not watching elmo or some other curiously furred creature, right? would a job just settle all this out? a job for which i would feel pride and sense of worth, which motherhood simply does not provide, a job? i ask you? a job?
what for? i ask you. what for, this wild moving fireflickerflame of blue?

6 comments:

Jamie said...

This is my first time commenting, but I love reading your blog and I know exactly what you mean...we're on day 2 of a little boy with croup and week 11 1/2 of a little girl in a spica cast and a day of RAIN. The TV was too much today. I often think that daycare would be good for all of us sometimes. We must have a daily planned activity or we all go insane. The kids were in bed at 5:30 tonight - so that we wouldn't kill each other - and asleep by 6. Plenty of time for me tonight and I'm online reading about other people's lives. Anyway, thank you for letting me into yours.

Jen said...

A JOB?! That means you have to get up and shower. Yes, actually scrub your pits and wash your hair. There will be no "throwin' on hat." Then you have to show up and listen to a bunch of people bitch about their lives. "Sally Sue has the flu but I gave her Tylenol so the daycare won't notice her fever." And then you go, "Holy Shit does Sally Sue go to my kid's daycare cuz I'm goin' postal on you if you say YES MF!"
You have a job, it's posting daily so I can read and laugh and cry and just know you in weird way. You are totally okay, this is tough. It will get better. Mormons say "FRICK" oh yes, they do. I live around them, they say "FRICK" Don't ever let me catch you saying "FRICK!"
Okay, I won't rant more. Dig you. Like sand at the beach, I dig you.

Jen said...

Oh, I love Jen. And not even Jen-me. Especially not! But everytime I read Jen's comments I smile.

Jamie, I liked your comment too.

Here's what is good about The Technology: I can read Jamie's comment and your post, and I instantly know I'm not alone.

I have gotten over my TV guilt. It took some time, but I've done it. Here's how to justify it -- if your house catches on fire, you know where those kids are and you can get them out right quick. At a daycare with super activities, who the hell knows where the kids have run off to? The teachers don't -- they just want their own asses out in one piece. So your kids are safest in your own house parked safely in front of Nick Jr.

wifemotherexpletive said...

okay, yes, technology is good because it allows this communication of events here. I'm overcome with the tv guilt though. OVERCOME.
we will have to see what comes of it. elmo is squeaking down there as i type. hello jamie..croupandacast..no joke....
hi jens! had a friend with a band called 'too many jens' in h.s. because there were roughly 10-15 in my class... love it.

Owen A said...

my apology in advance for a comment that is both mundane [as in reflective on my curiosity and being an easy sucker for a mysterious jpg] -and possibly off the meat of the topic [which I would like to, but am uncertain of how to approach] but... what is that picture? I zoomed in- and it appears to be some kind of planning for business [what?] - is this an artifact from a planned world - that you are somehow looking back fondly on, longing for more structure to your time?

wifemotherexpletive said...

the postsits belong to my father who is an expert in efficiency. they were to signify what is 'a job' to me, now that i have been unpaid for almost four years. . . a certain flow without flow, if you know what i'm sayin'...