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Friday, February 18, 2011

Wavy lines

I'm so sad today, all my visual cues are coming in through the waviness of tears. crap. boy 5 had to be almost carried out of the house to school, whereupon he arrives fairly peacefully. last day before a weeklong vacation. you say: why make him go if it is so difficult? hubsJ says the same.  I say: but he's fine when he gets there...he's fine!?!@ FINE. . . no problems at school, none. . .
the kicker?  The sadness came before the traumadrama of the 5. . . a feeling of wanting to curl up, be hopeless, feel the broken that there is. . .and as coincidence would have it (ha!) i read this this morning... and while it made me cry (no surprise) it just made me feel more crappy because i have my blinders on and am fully depressed about all the fear and self-loathing that there is. . . bad mom, wife, woman.  crap.
welcome to it.

bwah.

3 comments:

amyontheroad said...

good gravy, can i relate to your mood changes! is it all hormonal? seasonal? all i know is when i read about your happiness, it warms my heart and when i read something like this, it breaks my heart a little bit.

and my 2¢ about the school thing: make him go! of course he's fine once he's there and of course it's a nightmare to deal with him not wanting to go. jesus, can they be such pains in the ass!

wifemotherexpletive said...

i'm sorry, ames. its a bummer, i think its just situational right now... i think i'm feeling responsible for his happiness/struggle and all that sh**.

Mama Mama Quite Contrary said...

Oh Mama, you need a hug and some swedish fish. I agree with everything Amy said. 5 is just sensing that times are achangin' at your house and my guess is that it is manifesting itself with the traumadrama of going to school. Still, I think you are wise to keep sending him since the constancy is good.

If it makes you feel any better, I spent my evening griping about crazy L to hubsM. God, I see her everywhere and it is making *ME* crazy.

Same boat lady, different sources.