Thursday, March 31, 2011

Dude, I talk to Jesus.

what used to be something slightly 'off-color' cussing has become an actual dialogue...
Jesus, help me out here. (kids)
Jesus, what the hell do you want me to do here? (facing the kitchen after a muddy spring day with sticks, sticks!)
Jesus! (husband!)
I'm working hard on surrendering my worries and my fears and all my future thinking into the hands of this guy.  very hard work, lots of pinches and reminders all the time.  Things are looking good and I am still pretty freaked out all the time. This is probably because I am who I am, and one of those elements is a Cancer, a homebody.  I am a homebody without a sure-fired home, as of June 1st.
Yes, oh I am so wise in my damn writing, I remember...   there will be a roof over my life.
I like that sentence a lot.  and, ehem, if one could remember those cool words at all times, it would be very fantastic... almost like a faith-based chant to provide succor and calm in a storm.
Yes, I am crazed with delerium that I have such cool renters coming. what a fabulous bonus gift/blessing!
so the crazed and the calm meet once again. crash! bang! shhh! 
I am making a quilt for a fundraising auction and can work on it for about 10 minutes at a time between checking emails from realtors, and just generally pacing while thinking about packing boxes, where to get them, how much they are, how many i should buy...
a paragon of efficiency, yes, i am .
and dude, talking to jesus out loud in the kitchen is part of it all, all this shake-up, this motion... this movement ...
where will all of this end up? JESUS, Tell me!
JESUS, make somebody tell me. or- teach me patience and faith again.  and again, and again.


Mama Mama Quite Contrary said...

Yeah, I talk to him too. Well, at least A thinks so. When I mentioned his name (in vain, of course), she said, "Mommy, Jesus Christ is a real person you know?" Well there you have it. Now I just say shit.

Mama Mama Quite Contrary said...

Meant also to say that I am so happy you have renters and a mortgage and if you want a break from al the "what do I do next" banter in your head, answer it by coming over to my house for a cup of tea!