Monday, April 25, 2011

Lies and the Lying Liars who Lie them...

ah.  This morning, in order to get my 5 to go to school for the first day after spring 'vacation' I told him I would drive to his grandparents house  (35 min.) to get his bike and bring it back home. (35 min.) *(this is a bike that was purposefully left behind as they have good riding spots and I have a sidewalk with lots of traffic. purposeful. )
 As it was leaving my mouth, i felt ill. still feel ill. want it to be a lie, a flat-out, bald-faced mother LIE. want it.
This kind of bribery feels very ugly, this bartering with a small child for behavior that is acceptably just expected. eat breakfast, check. get dressed, check. go to school in the morning, check. yes? YES!!
but?! no.
so its me, the lying Liar who wants to be better at LYING.
oh brother, i wish i could reneg. all the time. the things i hear myself saying... 'if you keep BLANKING, I'm going to throw that BLANK out the window.

oh really? hmm.... go ahead, ask me if i've thrown miscellaneous crap out the window?
well, once. out into the front yard, from whence i quickly reclaimed said crap so that I wouldnt look like a trailerpark had entered my tiny front yard.  (nothing against trailer parks. )
but not usually... that would be a LIE, a threat with no intention of followthrough.
bully for me.
bully? me?
are mothers bullies? is that what we do? me? i mean, me? or are these boundaries really as good for kids as they say? or is that bull? i mean, clearly no, not bull. but why can't someone else figure out how to be the enforcer of this boundary? how do you do it in any kind of peaceable manner? true? kind? neccessary? holy smokes. i am A LIAR. 
me. yes, me.


Amanda said...

I believe she was telling you that this child is a natural alpha male, and in order to manage him you have to out-Alpha him. Which is true for many children, btw. She prolly felt the need to tell you that because it is a skill she, herself, has not yet mastered.

Unknown said...

You so what you have to do. This is the best piece of parenting advice that I have ever gotten.

Kate Hall said...

I wish there were a way to parent-in-crisis which was more in line with who i think i am... and of course, i evidently have a lot of 'work' to do because i wish, rather than 'act' accordingly... damn .
more work.
chagrin... :)