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Thursday, April 28, 2016

Flat.out. Divorce, again.

I have a lot of questions. I am really a very simple woman when it comes to people, fundamentally.

Love is forever.
Right?

Love. You should recognize it when you have it.
Right?

These aren't actually questions for J, although I do physically ache to hear better days from him...They are questions for me.

It is one of the worst and strangest parts of separating what was joined, this unpeeling, this revision of memory to suit current times. I have even been back to the days before our marriage, during our courtship gyre, to look for signs of today's doom.  I am so angry and sooo sad that my own brain would be trying to corrupt something that I know was Love, and those memories will go with me to my grave.  I'm also dealing with wakeups of the pre-5 AM sort, and it is killing me, and I think fondly of graves, as a sleeping place .   (not suicidal ideation, but literal, quiet, sleep places.)

Go hug your divorced friends right now because this unravelling is WAY worse than it looks.

Its like organizing your junk drawer.  First, you have to deal with shit ALL over the freaking place.

2 comments:

Corinne Cunningham said...

I want to come give you a gigantic hug.
For real.
We'll have to make that work one day - I swear you're in the Western part of the state? Or am I confusing you with someone else?
One day. Tea or coffee, and a big hug.

Kate Bowie said...

Corinne, I"m near-er Fall RIver... one day...